I'm currently on hiatus. Will be back soon :)

Monday, January 30, 2017

How to Suck at Converting People into Bookworms

What's up, everyone? It has been a while since the last time I posted How to Suck at Everything, ain't it? Since, I am one the the sorriest blogger in this universe, you must have known that inspiration is never been my best friend. I felt blank often, wanting to write a new blog post but I stare at the wall instead.


Ahem.

Now, for today's topic, let's talk about every bookworm's dream. Converting a new soul into our kind. It's a hard process and what sucks the most is, it requires lots of luck (which most of us are lack of) and of course...

 *drum rolls*

Patience.

Because who has patience? None, silly. Actually there are some ways. My ways. The lamest ways. I wouldn't do that if I were you, but since this is my blog, I am free to blab about anything. I can talk garbage, if I want to. Like this post you're reading. So, the first ingredient of the disaster is to...

Stop talking to them imbeciles
... and tell me what differs us from the non-readers mortals? Yes, we're bookish and that's our superpower. There's no need to talk to them, what for? All you need to do is to act like a coolest person ever and fake that you're too busy to socialize. Show them books keep you occupied. The best way to attract people is to make it looks exclusive or mysterious. Humans are curious, entice them and once there's someone silly enough to notice your attitude and show interest...

Welcome the beginner
... but tell her/him his new favorite book is stupid. So, this new puppet loves cozy mystery. Pretty obvious she/he is attracted by the fancy cover. You can't let that happen. So act snobby, and shove War and Peace to him/her. He/She would most likely to be intimidated or think that you're stepping too far show interest. Congratulate yourself, it's actually his/her way of hating admiring you! *winks*

Spoil the stories
See those guys hanging out right there talking about the newest movie on the cinema? Consider yourself invited to take part of the discussion! Ask if they already see the movie. If they say no, then it's time to unleash your bookish gift. Tell them what the movie is about, I mean who the hero is, how he kills his enemy, what's him motive and of course, how the story ends. If they hate you for spoiling the story, relax! It's already in the book, it has been published and out in the open, why would it be a spoiler? Silly!

Bring your most expensive book set to work/school 
... and make sure they notice. Show them you've got expensive taste! Nuff said. Whether you're actually going to read it is irrelevant. The most important thing is to make sure their eyes are on them. People love fancy thing. Once they see it, it's only a matter for them to realize that you are either dedicated bookworm or simply an annoying troglodyte. Most likely the latter.

Speak with fancy words out loud 
...so they know you're an avid reader or acting like it. Choose "confrontation" instead of "fight" or "au natural" instead of nude. Yeah, I mean even when you're buying a new shade of lipstick. Tell them "I'm looking for something in au natural shade" and watch them scratching their head.

*  *  *  *

That's all for now, folks. I hope this sucky post inspires you in becoming a real life troll entertains you. Tell us your story! Have you ever converted anyone into a reader?